


He Chose the Danger

by NervousAsexual



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Multi, Self-Sacrifice, Spoilers, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: T'Lar tells him, "The danger to thyself is as grave as the danger to Spock. You must make the choice."And Bones says, as if it's nothing at all, "I choose the danger." He gives me a little smirk and mutters, "Hell of a time to ask."I can't do this. Not again.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Spock, James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	He Chose the Danger

I don't know if I can do this.

T'Lar tells him, "The danger to thyself is as grave as the danger to Spock. You must make the choice."

And Bones says, as if it's nothing at all, "I choose the danger." He gives me a little smirk and mutters, "Hell of a time to ask."

I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm as selfish as they come. I never expected to make it this far and it was a comfort, to think that I would go before them. I would die and Bones and Spock might grieve for a while but I would know no different. Danger, the high priestess says. I can take danger; I'm not afraid to die. I can take Klingons or Romulans or anything else wanting to kill me. But that's me, just me. Now the danger is to them both and there's not a damn thing I can do to help. 

I could lose them both. The two of them could leave me alone forever in this vast dark universe, and I can't do it alone, not anymore.

I can't let him do this. 

"Bones?" He looks at me and somehow I can see them both. It's his crooked smile. It's Spock's steady eyes. "You don't have to do this."

"Sure I do. I'm not letting that pointy-eared bastard keep living in my head rent-free."

He's smiling but I can't let him do it. I take him by the shoulders and look in his eyes--he's so frail, it would be so easy to lose them both. "Leonard."

He blinks at me. His eyes this time.

"He wouldn't ask you to do this."

For a moment he just looks confused. I get this quizzical little smile in return. "I know that."

"I'm not even sure he'd want you to do it. You heard what she said, about the risks."

"Jim, please." He gives me a dry smirk. "When have I ever let what Spock would want stop me?"

Of course. Goddamn it, of course he can't be swayed by the threat of death. The three of us have spent years trying to sacrifice ourselves for the other two, and after everything that's happened why would he stop now?

"Jim?"

My head is killing me. Rubbing at my forehead doesn't help so I press on my temples and he reaches up to take my hand.

"If there's something you want to say," he tells me, "you should say it."

"I don't want you to do it." It's out of my mouth before I can stop it. Goddamn it. In for a penny... "I already lost Spock. I don't want to lose you, too."

"Not much choice in that. We go together or not at all."

"I can't watch you both die."

For a moment neither of us says anything. What else is there to say?

"You don't have to watch," he says finally. "I... we both understand."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. I hate that you're in danger and there's nothing I can do about it."

"James T. Kirk," he says softly, "now you know how the rest of us feel."

"Bones, please..."

"It's alright, Jim. You'll be alright." He squeezes my hand in his and nods over my shoulder. "You've still got them."

A protest dies on my lips as I follow his gaze to my crew. Chekov, shifting from foot to foot, eyes here there and everywhere; Scotty, looking with confusion from the two of us to the altar and back; Sulu, watching the skies as if there might be Klingons, or Khan, or fire raining from above; and Uhura, more calm that the rest of them, quietly watching Bones and I. She gave up her posting for this. All of them did. They're the finest senior crew I've ever had the honor of serving with and they all thought that their very livelihoods were worth losing if it meant Spock might get a chance to live again.

It's an awful, cruel part of me that says, so what? A career is nothing. This is a man's life I'm on the verge of losing, and if something goes wrong I'll lose Spock's soul forever, too. Their loss can't possibly equal mine.

Bones' cold fingers touch my cheek as he turns my face back toward him. "If I were in your shoes and vice versa I'd do the same, Jim. But if you were the one carrying him, what would you tell me?"

I don't have to wonder, because he's said it before. My eyes burn and his face blurs. "I'd tell you we came this far already and giving up now isn't an option. I'd tell you that deep down we both want to give him the chance to live again. I... I'd tell you it was my decision."

"Well, there you go."

The tears start falling, pouring down my face and mixing with the Vulcan dust that's been all around us all this time. He's right, I know he's right, but I can't stop. I'm still crying as I pull him into my arms and hug him so tightly that when he hugs me back we're just one body, the two of us... the three of us. The three of us together one last time.

He lets me hold him as long as I want but the moment I start to breathe a little easier he whispers in my ear, "They're waiting for an answer." He lets me go and steps to the side so that I can see the priestess and Sarek waiting in silence, and the body that should be Spock, quiet and still.

I don't want to do this. Don't make me do this.

I let his hand slip through my grasp.

He steps back until his fingers are just touching mine. "It's alright, Jim."

I can't let him do this. I don't have a choice. "Sure, Bones. Sure." I try to smile at him but when his fingers leave mine I catch his hand without thought. "Bones?"

He lets me hold on just a moment longer. "Hm?"

And there's nothing I can say, is there, nothing that will change this, so instead I say, "Good luck."

The smile he gives me is from both of them. "A human superstition against a Vulcan danger. This we have to see." He squeezes my hand once more, and then he's gone.

As I'm standing there trying to keep it together he's walking away, and I... I'm scared. In the last handful of days I've been more afraid than I've ever been in my life. If I lose them both, I don't know how I'll go on.

Part of me, the part that's never believed in no-win scenarios, holds onto that tiny hope, though. I might not lose them both. They might both come back to me. I try to hold onto that hope, even though it feels so small and fragile that a touch will shatter it, even though I know I can't do this again.

He pauses before the altar and gives me one last smile. My heart hurts. This is foolish and absurd and the longest of long shots and it's all but impossible. I can't do this.

God. I can't do this, but when has that ever stopped me before?


End file.
